Alone in the House and a Few Pre-Graduation Thoughts

My friends only like to talk about two things right now:

  1. The past
  2. And the future

Do you remember that time during the first days of college when you have a different set of friends but then some backstabbing and I-don’t-like-what-they’re-doing moments happened and you jumped to another clique? Or that time when your team has beaten all teams in this class and they all envied you and your friends? We like talking about proud moments like that, don’t we? Then we start liking and commenting on old and usually embarrassing photos of our friends so that it’ll show up to other people’s feed and suddenly everyone turns it into a bandwagon!

You see, I have more time now to scroll down on my Twitter or Facebook home and everyone is in a nostalgic state about the past. We all love that “good sad” feeling, don’t we? Yeah it’s great. No matter if it’s a good or bad memory, we like looking back at it because of this relief and somehow proud feeling that we all went through it now. We’ve done it! Like how you’ve survived thesis with all that small and petty arguments or even that unexpected nod from the panelists. What’s important is it’s done!

As your thought finishes at that word, “done,” you now shift to the things “to be done” next. The things to do in the future! You start thinking and planning on looking for a job or applying for SSS, Phil health and other requirements of being an “adult.” Yes, they say you’re an adult the moment you get your diploma. You’re supposed to take care of yourself and plan for your future now. Then you look at the more exciting part where you can do things on your own like maybe traveling. You start enumerating the places you’d go to like, “Before 30, I should have gone to Korea, Japan, Macau, Australia or France.” Or maybe start pursuing that passion of yours that you’ve set aside because mama told you to finish a “good” course in college first. But hey guess what? JUST SLOW DOWN. If there’s anything I’d like to talk or think about right now, is exactly what’s in front of me, the “present” I’ve got right now.

I did not expect to have a perspective like this just as graduation looms. I always thought that I’d be all about who I was and who I will be. Academic stuff are all officially done now and I’m just literally waiting for the graduation day. Some of my classmates are fretting about getting a job they like and I did so too for two or three positions but it all asked me to officially graduate first before they even decide if they’ll get me. So I’ve decided I’ll take advantage of this time when I could just have fun and catch up to some TV shows. I guessed that there’s no rush. These days are like my reward for four years of stress and hard work and a re-charging moment before I go on to a gazillion years of, again—-stress and hard work. It’s a moment for me to give attention to what I have right now and not for getting nostalgic about what I used to have and or worry about what I will have.

I’m actually having a great time. One thing about doing nothing and worrying about nothing is that it makes you more observant and appreciative of even the tiniest things around you which used to be drowned by the “bigger things.” Before, I did not understand what it’s really like to stay at home all day and wait until your family gets home at night but now as I experience it, the sound of the gate clicking as someone comes home becomes a pure pleasure to me. Then there’s their pure joy when they smell cooking after a tiring day.

I’ve also become so concerned about the daily maintenance of the house. As I stare at it all day, I appreciated how it became my protection and sanctuary for many years and I’ve decided it also deserves a reward. I tended to it like never before. I gave our room a new look and it feels so refreshing like it’s ready for my new life. I also water the plants on the surroundings and talked to them often these days. I swear they look so happy like as if they missed seeing me water them. I’ve been so caught up with enjoying the bigger world out there that I did not even notice that there’s a new Calamansi tree just along the pathway towards the entrance of our house. It’s full of big and fresh Calamansi and I didn’t even know that we don’t buy Calamansi anymore because of that tree. I personally picked its fruits and thanked it silently.

I’ve been assessing relationships lately as well. I realized you’ll know if a person will stay in your life even after graduation if you’re able to talk to them even if there’s no school involved anymore. I’ve decided who among them are around just because they were required to do things with me and of course those who’ll make an effort to do something…just anything…maybe they’ll message you and invite you to something…you know…. because they really plan to stick around for a really long time. Those are two different kinds of people. I know that now.

As I deal with these little things I discovered a lot about myself. I never realized how I love little things now that I have more time for them like the music playing from our neighbor or that good view of the village from our rooftop. Now I realize that I like the idea of giving importance to the little things in the stories that I write as well. Some of the other things I discovered about myself these past few days are:

  • I love the idea of creating stories for children and watching films for children triggered that.
  • I prefer classic books than young adult novels. Thank God I read The Great Gatsby a few days ago.
  • I’m single because I love Leonardo DiCaprio so much. No explanation needed.
  • I love songs about finding one self, therefore, I conclude that I’m still lost. I’m creating a playlist for that right now.
  • I’m not so much of a “friends” person (does that makes sense?) because I don’t feel nostalgic at all about not being with them on a daily basis anymore. I’ve been thinking about that lately I swear.

I have a lot more discoveries about myself that I’d rather not share anymore; too personal as I may say. You see, my point here is before you could move on from the past and prepare for the future, you should take advantage of the in between stage, the breathing stage, where you could find yourself again. Sufficient knowledge and understanding of one’s self could be your best tool in facing the world around you.

This is an important phase in your life and it is ending now, as you go on to the next phase, re-discover the essence of your spark. Do it in every major changes in your life. Never forget to re-discover the essence of your spark.

Sleepless ‘Til Midnight

Getting ready for World Poetry Day on March 21! Here’s to warming up!

 

I have known a true gentleman

Who lives a block away from our house

He has such lovely habits

That keeps me awake at night

On Wednesdays he stands

On his balcony at night

Listening to a song

Dancing with a tulip on his hand

His wrinkles double

When he evokes a smile

Midnight comes, lights walk out

He falls asleep somehow

On Saturdays he sits

On his balcony at night

Raining a barrel of tears

On a frame with a lady inside

He speaks of his day, now she’s for real

A kiss at midnight

Through a wall of glass

Sends him to sleep somehow

And before September leaves

He goes out at night

Blending silence With an old hum

Here he comes, here she waits

Under a cold stone, under six feet of soil

He lies on the grass, just above her

He falls asleep thinking about her

For twenty of his eighty years

The bliss has doomed

The blues has risen

I saw it all, I see it now

I’ve never seen so much love

Alas! I almost cried

When yesterday midnight

I’ve seen him no more

He had truly fallen asleep

Just as I thought so.