To You Who Could’ve Been My Friend

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I’m sorry it has to come to this point where I needed to write everything I did not say and post it somewhere you may possibly never see. I’m sorry I did not try to catch up to you after that nice walk after school where you talked about Harry Potter with me. I’m sorry that I only like your posts and never comment and gush about it that could have end up to a chat. I’m sorry I pretended that I did not care every time you took notice of my posts on the other hand. I’m sorry I only tried to get to know you in a virtual world that both of us could’ve cross beyond.

I’m sorry that I did not show how much I wanted to be your friend. You’re smart, hippy and you appreciate people. I like what you like and imagine the conversations and emotions that could’ve existed and that could’ve brought us to another world if I just had the courage to tell you that. I’m sorry I was intimidated by you. I never looked at you directly when you talk to me. I’m sorry I pretended that I did not see. I’m sorry I did not say hi when you passed by. I’m sorry I never complimented how you dress when you really nail it at times. I’m sorry I only let you borrow books a few times and never even asked what you think about it afterwards. I’m sorry I tried to skip watching that movie when I heard that you were going at the same time.

I’m sorry I always felt like I needed to compete with you. I’m sorry that I did not say that I try to do well in everything I do because I want you to compliment me every time. I’m sorry I seemed like I was always on the run when you’re there. I’m sorry I never calmed down and just stayed for a while. I’m sorry we never had adventures together. I’m sorry we were never Harry and Hermione, Charlie and Sam, Sherlock and Watson, Patrick and Pete, Han and Chewy, or Sam and Frodo.

I’m sorry I was afraid we could have gone beyond. I’m sorry I misjudged. I’m sorry I was scared of what we could have been. I’m sorry I only imagined this friendship. I’m sorry that we could’ve been great but we never were. I’m sorry I think that it is too late and I never want to make up for it anymore. I’m sorry I’m giving up before even starting. I’m sorry for finally putting an end to a non-existing beginning.

I’m sorry I say sorry too much. I never wanted to do anything that will make me say “sorry.” You don’t know how much I hate it whenever I had to say it. But for you and for the first and last time, I’ll say it.

I’m sorry, to you, who could’ve been my friend.

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